Discover the power of shared values with Alex Kirby, founder of Total Family Management, in his latest appearance on the Transacting Value podcast. Alex reveals how principles like growth, kindness, and responsibility can transform family dynamics, guiding life decisions and strengthening bonds. He delves into strategies for navigating life’s transitions with grace and highlights the importance of authentic relationships in today’s world. Join us for actionable insights on living a value-driven family life.

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Did you know that in any given tree, only about 1% of its structure is biologically alive? 😮 The remaining 99% consists of dead cells and non-living components. Interestingly, this concept mirrors the structure of our family trees. Why do some trees last longer than others? Why are some trees strong and others weak, blown over by a passing storm? Our logo at TFM, fittingly, is a tree. 🌲 We’ve metaphorically "cut it down" to examine its trunk, revealing insights into what makes some family trees resilient and others less so.

TFM's Methodology

The core of the tree is the vision. This includes the vision of the individual members but also the collective family; overlapping, not competing. Vision consists of purpose (why), values (what’s important), and roles (priorities). No tree lasts without a strong, healthy core. 🏋️‍♀️

The next layer we explore is known as family dynamics. These dynamics are in constant flux, influenced by new experiences, people joining and departing the family, births, deaths, and shifts in power and influence. While understanding these dynamics is feasible, controlling them is considerably more challenging.

Following family dynamics, we explore the well-being of the family through James E. Hughes's framework of the Five Forms of Family Capital: Financial, Human, Social, Cultural, and Intellectual. All forms of capital are represented in the Family Tree, except for Financial; money is notably absent, nowhere to be found. To learn more about these capitals, you can read here or listen here. 🔉

The final layer of the tree consists of 8 areas: Identity, Well-being, Communication, Relationships, Traditions, Legacy, Growth, and Knowledge. To assist our clients, we’ve developed definitions for each of these areas. For example, the term ‘legacy’ gets used a lot, but if you ask 10 people what legacy means, you’ll get 10 different answers. How can a family work to strengthen their tree if there’s ambiguity about what the words mean?

There are 2 important takeaways from the Family Tree:

It starts with vision; it’s the foundation. When a tree dies from the outside-in, it’s usually due to external forces like storms, but when a tree dies from the inside out, it’s due to rot and infection. We can’t control the weather, but we can control having a clear vision.

When I shared this Family Tree with Jay Hughes, he offered a profound insight that we now share with all our clients: When families view this graphic and reflect on their own dynamics, they often focus on their deficiencies—the areas where they feel lacking. 🛑 We advise against this approach. Instead, we adopt a Wealth 3.0 perspective, emphasizing our strengths.

Every family excels in something depicted in this graphic; that's where you should concentrate your efforts.

If your family has rich traditions, lean into them. If you have strong relationships, double down in that area. Consider the tree that leans yet refuses to fall. It may not be perfect, but it possesses undeniable strength in its core. And ultimately, that’s what really matters.

Follow TFM or sign up here to gain access to insights on family dynamics and exclusive family dynamics resources.

In a compelling episode of the "It's Never About Money" podcast, Total Family Management's CEO, Alex Kirby, shares the mic with host Joe to delve into an enriched definition of wealth—one that transcends financial figures and embraces overall well-being.

Wealth as Well-being

Alex discusses the innovative perspective that wealth should be seen not just as financial abundance but as familial and personal well-being. This holistic approach is part of TFM's philosophy, where fostering strong family bonds and Family Vision.

Exploring the Five Forms of Family Capital

Throughout the episode, Alex and Joe explore the Five Forms of Family Capital, which are central to understanding and nurturing wealth that lasts across generations:

1. Human Capital: Focus on personal identity and well-being.
2. Social Capital: Emphasizing communication and relationships.
3. Intellectual Capital: Encouraging shared knowledge and continuous growth.
4. Financial Capital: Managing financial resources wisely.
5. Cultural Capital: Preserving and fostering family vision.

Each form is discussed in depth, providing listeners with actionable insights on how to integrate these capitals into their family dynamics and wealth management strategies.

The Socially Fit Organization provides modern insights that every leader and HR professional needs to hear.

This document highlights the significance of strong leadership and the essential role of employee well-being beyond the confines of work. Great leaders aren't just effective in the boardroom; their qualities extend to how they manage their own lives and relationships. Creating an environment that supports leaders in all aspects of their lives is critical for both their well-being and the long-term success of the organization.

Furthermore, the rise of Total Family Management (TFM) as an executive benefit points to a universal desire for more than just work. People are seeking balance, meaningful relationships, and happiness. Companies that recognize and support these needs not only improve employee satisfaction but also see enhanced work performance. This approach transcends being merely a nice-to-have; it's a strategic necessity.

For companies looking to lead the way, embracing these concepts is imperative. Investing in strong leadership and making employee well-being a priority does more than just create a better workplace; it future-proofs your organization. Leaders and HR professionals, remember: fostering your team's well-being and promoting strong leadership are essential strategies for navigating the complexities of the future business landscape.

This quote, highlighted in Morgan Housel's book, 'Same as Ever.' Bezos presents a mental model for long-term thinking that's applicable to both life and business. He encourages us to shift our focus from what changes to what we are fairly certain will remain constant. When we discuss this concept with family office leaders, their insights reveal a great deal.

It’s hard to imagine a world where our clients do not care about the well-being of themselves and their family members. 🩷

In fact, those firms have already begun to capitalize by pouring time and resources into this growing idea: defining wealth as well-being and a flourishing family, not merely as financial assets. Some firms dismiss well-being as 'the soft stuff' or 'not our concern,' and time will tell how those stances fare, but the shift is underway.

Web 3.0 describes the internet's move towards decentralization. Medicine 3.0 refers to a more personalized, preventative approach to health and healthcare. Wealth 3.0: The Future of Family Wealth Advising, published in 2023 by authors and experts Grubman, Keffler, and Jaffe, provides a wonderful explanation of how the industry got here and where it's headed. If you serve or aspire to serve high-net-worth (HNW) or ultra-high-net-worth (UHNW) clients, or if you are a HNW client wondering whether you're currently working with a Wealth 3.0 firm, this book is essential reading.

What Wealth 3.0 adds is a full emphasis that, as the field envisioned over 25 years ago, the many nonfinancial domains of the family are as or more important than the financial arena.

It's surprising how many financial professionals are unaware of the 5 Forms of Family Capital or the 10 Domains of Family Wealth. Like most things, these concepts originate with the ultra-wealthy, eventually reaching a broader audience. TFM's mention in Wealth 3.0 is an honor, showcasing the growing collaborative and client-focused approaches in wealth management. Below is a summary of Wealth 1.0 to 3.0 and questions to consider, but this topic is too important to trust my CliffsNotes. Read and decide for yourself.

Wealth 1.0 💵

• "Yet throughout Wealth 1.0, estate planning was and is only about the money, its preservation, and its protection from governmental interference and taxation."
• Little consideration of family dynamics, communication, parenting, preparation. “That’s not our concern.” (Which I have heard from way more financial advisors than I care to remember.)
• Firm’s primary relationship with the ‘Patriarch,’ little to no consideration for the non-CFO spouse (largely female) or rising generation.

Questions for Firm Leaders:

• How does my firm's approach reflect or diverge from Wealth 1.0?
• What % of our advisors are 'financial managers' vs. 'wealth managers?'

Wealth 2.0 🙈

• When clients say, “I don’t want this money to ruin my kids,” advisors nod.
• Negative, fear-based messages: shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves, wealth destroys families as ‘true stories’ that ‘can and will happen to you.’
• Referring to the ‘rising generation’ as ‘next generation.’ Advising clients to delay communication about wealth and estate planning or not telling them at all.
• Using philanthropy as a forced way to build harmony; lack of customized solutions specific to the client.
• Single advisor who ‘owns’ the relationship and defends their turf.

Questions for Firm Leaders:

• Do my firm use negative or fear-based (shirtsleeves) messaging on your website or marketing materials?
• Do our clients have a stronger connection to our firm or their advisor?
• How can we better engage the rising generation in wealth and legacy planning?

Wealth 3.0 🍎

• Wealth as Well-Being; human, social, cultural (spiritual), and intellectual capitals, not just financial.
• Strength-based approach; focus on opportunities and possibilities; Family Vision.
• Aligned with the 10 Domains of Family Wealth.
• Collaborative, integrated, cross-domain advisors working with more members of the family; open communication and respect.
• Democratization of family-dynamics and governance services; scale + technology

Questions for Firm Leaders:

• How can we integrate the 5 Forms of Family Capital and well-being into our services?
• What actions can we take to promote a more integrated and collaborative approach?
• How can we align our services with clients' unique family visions?

This is not an overnight change, and shifting the mindset of one advisor is drastically different than shifting the culture of a firm. The good news is a tenet of Wealth 3.0 is collaboration; integration of cross-domain resources and experts with communication and respect. In addition to the questions, here’s some additional resources:

• Complete Family Wealth
• How Culture Eats Structure For Breakfast
• Family Wealth Alliance

It's all about one thing: organic growth. The best wealth management firms and family offices know that over 90% of their new business comes through referrals. These are not just any referrals; they're from satisfied clients who have experienced such exceptional value and distinct service that they can't help but spread the word to friends and family.

Our roadmap is a practical guide for generating this kind of growth within your firm. We focus on what really matters—delivering unique value that sets your services apart, ensuring that your clients not only stay but become active ambassadors of your brand.

At TFM, we understand that creating value goes beyond the usual. It requires a mix of innovative solutions and a deep commitment to personalized service. This approach not only solidifies existing relationships but also opens doors to new ones. And to make things even better, we’ve made our pricing clearer and more aligned with the economic realities of fee-based RIAs.

Let's make 2024 the year of remarkable growth by focusing on what truly counts: creating value that turns clients into your most powerful growth engine. Download resource below.

TFM is proud to announce its partnership with family office knowledge platform Simple in becoming the first Family Governance category member in their growing directory of service providers for family offices.

This collaboration signifies a notable trend in the family office sector, highlighting the increasing demand for innovative and scalable family governance services for both single and multi-family offices. Francois Botha, the founder and CEO of Simple, stated,

“The family office industry has been underserved when it comes to areas outside of wealth management. As a new generation of owners takes the helm, more expertise is required to correctly manage family governance, being so critical to the long-term success of family offices.”

When families hear the word governance, they often think of rules. And while rules are necessary, TFM's approach to governance focuses on culture, principles, and vision. Strong relationships, open dialogue, and common language go a long way with families. The collaboration aims to redefine the trajectory of family legacies, ensuring they are rich not only financially but also in well-being and values. By combining TFM's expertise in fostering family unity, communication, and shared values with the global reach of Simple, the partnership is set to offer a truly holistic approach to governance and dynamics.

Together, TFM and Simple are committed to helping families uphold and evolve their core values, ensuring a lasting, positive impact on society. As we celebrate this significant collaboration, we invite you to explore our joint initiatives, starting with a insightful piece on "Building lasting family legacies: The role of values and social fitness"

Discover the essence of effective governance with our latest resource, "TFM's Multi-Family Office Guide to Values." This guide is meticulously crafted for multi-family offices, highlighting the crucial role shared values play in building strong family governance and unity.

At Total Family Management (TFM), we believe that values are the heartbeat of a family's legacy and the compass for decision-making. Our guide navigates you through the process of identifying, expressing, and integrating these values into your family's governance fabric.

Witness how values serve as a common language, fostering clarity and harmony in family interactions and business decisions. The guide offers actionable strategies and insights to embed these values into your multi-family office's daily practices and long-term vision.

From enhancing decision-making to reinforcing family bonds and securing a unified legacy, "TFM's Multi-Family Office Guide to Values" is an essential resource for any multi-family office seeking to establish a solid foundation based on meaningful and enduring principles.

Ready to elevate your family governance?

Download "TFM's Multi-Family Office Guide to Values" below and start your journey toward a more cohesive and value-centered future.

If you're like 60% of Americans, you don’t create New Year's resolutions. Among those who do, 23% abandon them within the first week. If resolutions are working for you, keep it up; there's no one-size-fits-all answer to this. If you’re looking for a new approach for 2024, keep reading.

In 'Atomic Habits', author James Clear talks about the power of shifting from outcome-based goals to identity-based goals. The idea is that once you decide the type of person you want to be (your identity), it becomes easier to move in that direction. Tying your identity to your goals makes it easier for you to follow through and everyone else to support. For example, if you’re giving up alcohol, this shift means moving from saying ‘I’m not having a drink’ (an outcome) to ‘I’m not a drinker’ or ‘I’m a super-healthy person’ (an identity).

One of the simplest way to uncover our own identities is to reflect on our values. Values tell us who we want to be and what we stand for. Yet, how many of us have taken the time to sit down and figure out exactly what those values are? In our experience, not many, and importantly, what are we missing by skipping such a meaningful step?

Values come before goals, before strategy, before tactics, before products, before market choices, before financing, before business plans, before every decision. Values come first, and all else follows—in business, in career, and in life. (Jim Collins)

The Value of Values

Resolutions, like goals, are constantly changing, but not values. Values can evolve, but much more slowly. Values are foundational and enduring. While there isn’t a bad word on our value list, it’s impossible to embody all 72 words. You can’t have 72 priorities, and similarly, you can’t have 72 values. We suggest 4, no more than 5. However, the process of narrowing down your values is one of the most helpful exercises you’ll ever do. You might be surprised by what you discard, what challenges you, and what ultimately remains on your list. Deciding your values is rewarding, but isn't always easy.

Once you have these values, your goals and resolutions can more naturally emerge. You’ll understand simultaneously what direction to avoid and what direction to head. TFM families call values their compass.

Resolutions often falter under pressure due to a lack of foundational support. There's nothing behind the goal. Values, on the other hand, not only withstand pressure but grow stronger the more weight we put on them. I often think of a TFM client, a talented and busy physician.  She was coming off a huge medical conference, the practice was over capacity, and she was extremely stressed. A colleague had asked her to speak to a group of medical students the following night, which she wanted to do, but it would have meant missing movie night with her children. Just as she was about to say yes, she remembered her family values, and the word BALANCE hit her like a ton of bricks. Her values gave her the strength to say no, honoring her identity as someone who maintains BALANCE in their life.

Values allow for incremental long-term improvement. If you value HEALTH, exercising 2.5% more than you did last month is a more effective long-term strategy than going to the gym 8 times the first week in January. Values are for people who want to play the long game. To give you a sense of what other families are prioritizing, here are the top values of TFM clients in 2023.

TFM Families in 2023

1. Love - Consistently the #1 value of TFM families. Despite a world focused on differences, the love we have for family and those closest to us remains a unifying force.
2. Gratitude - More powerful than many realize. Try the grateful flow exercise next time you’re feeling down. If you’re reading this, you have plenty to be grateful for, including everyday things like toilets, everything bagels, and waking up today.
3. Faith - TFM is religion-agnostic, but deeply faithful. Our clients' diverse beliefs are a source of comfort and inspiration.
4. Health - Gaining new importance post-pandemic, whether it’s medicine 3.0 or social fitness. Notably, ‘Balance’ ranked #7.
5. Integrity - Integrity goes beyond honesty; it's about adhering to your values.
6. Adventure - As Helen Keller said, "Life is either a great adventure or nothing." The pandemic's restrictions may have fueled a desire for adventure.

It's Never Too Late

Just get started. People over 55 are 3.1 times less likely to have resolutions compared to younger adults, but it's never too late. Choose one value. Spend 10 minutes thinking about your values. Use our list below or sign-up for TFM Essentials and uncover your family values with one of our family coaches. What are you waiting for?

In our journey at Total Family Management (TFM), we often encounter a myriad of enriching and enlightening articles, books, and sources. These resources not only deepen our understanding but also guide us in our mission to enhance family dynamics and well-being. Recognizing the value of these materials, we've decided to compile a running list, making it easily accessible for everyone in our community. This compilation is a testament to our commitment to continuous learning and growth, offering you a one-stop destination for valuable insights. Whether you're looking for inspiration, guidance, or just a deeper understanding of family dynamics, our curated collection is here to serve you. Dive into this treasure trove and explore the wealth of knowledge that has been shaping our path at TFM.

Wealth 3.0

Wealth managers who still see their jobs as only managing the money, defending their turf against other advisors of the client, and giving only lip service to personal or family dynamics are missing opportunities to better serve their clients.

2023 RIA Benchmarking Study (Charles Schwab)

A client segmentation strategy can help build scale and manage profitability. It defines the client experience and how it’s delivered consistently and efficiently among each segment of clients.

Only 68% of leading firms are engaging with the rising generation. Only 43% are using white labeled materials and thought leadership, and only 38% engaging in educational workshops.

2023 Fidelity RIA Benchmarking Study

Looking for a way to stand out? Only 10% of wealth firms with AUM over $1 billion provide coaching services to clients, in contrast to 99% offering investment management, 92% offering financial planning, and 73% providing tax planning and strategy.

Evolution of Wealth Management - Dec 2023

Wealth manager brands are about the ability to diagnose and solve client problems. The first step in building cost effective brands is recognizing that they are about a firm’s ability to diagnose and solve client problems and not how good it is at giving financial advice. Money is merely a means to an end, and the end is about what clients want to use their money to accomplish in their lives. Wealth managers use their personal judgment and experience, along with financial expertise, to help clients to first diagnose their problems and only after that is accomplished then they organize their finances to solve them and meet their goals.

The War of Capacity

A family office is a tailored, full-service solution that caters to the financial, administrative, and lifestyle needs of affluent families. Whether it's managing investments, managing projects, minimizing taxes, or ensuring the smooth transition of wealth across generations, family offices are expected to provide comprehensive support.

In a recent illuminating episode of 'The Truth About Wealth' podcast, host John & Michael sat down with Alex Kirby, CEO of Total Family Management (TFM). The engaging conversation centered around the transformative impact of family coaching on wealth management and family well-being.

The Role of Family Coaching in Wealth Management

Alex Kirby discussed how TFM's approach to family coaching is reshaping the wealth management and MFO landscape. He emphasized that wealth is more than just financial assets; it's about the well-being and harmony within a family. Alex's insights revealed how TFM partners with some of the top MFOs by focusing on enhancing communication, trust, and relationship-building within families.

Integrating Family Values with Financial Goals

A key topic of the podcast was the integration of family values into financial planning. Alex illustrated this with real-life examples, showing how TFM helps families align their values with their financial goals. This approach not only strengthens family bonds but also ensures that financial decisions are more meaningful and aligned with the family's overall vision.

The Impact of Communication on Family Wealth

Alex highlighted the often-underestimated power of shared vision and effective communication. He shared statistics and stories from TFM's extensive experience, demonstrating how improved trust can lead to better decision-making, conflict resolution, and overall family unity.

Technology and Human Touch in Family Coaching

A significant part of the conversation was dedicated to discussing how TFM leverages technology without losing the human touch essential in family coaching. Alex detailed how TFM's proprietary tools like the RELATE platform enhance the coaching experience while maintaining personal connections.

TFM's Vision for the Future of Family Offices

Looking ahead, Alex shared his vision for the future of family dynamics in multi-family offices. He sees a world where these firms evolve from solely managing assets to being architects of family unity, guided by shared values and goals. Alex's perspective presents an exciting future for the industry, where the focus shifts from wealth accumulation to holistic family well-being.

Conclusion

Alex Kirby's appearance on 'The Truth About Wealth' was more than just an interview; it was a guide in understanding the nuanced role of family dynamics in wealth management. For anyone interested in how family coaching can transform family life and improve social fitness, this episode is a must-listen.

Listen to the full episode here.

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Are you ready to add a sprinkle of laughter and a dash of competition to your family gatherings? At Total Family Management (TFM), we know that amidst tackling significant life topics and enhancing social fitness, it's crucial to remember the power of simple fun. That's why we're thrilled to offer our TFM families an incredible opportunity: Virtual Family Game Nights!

Imagine this: Your entire family, from little Timmy to Grandpa Joe, coming together for a night of joyous laughter and friendly competition, without even leaving your home! All active TFM client households can now book up to two Family Game Nights per year. And guess what? They're hosted by a world-class game show host who knows just how to get everyone in high spirits.

These aren't just any games; we've put our unique spin on classics like Family Feud, Jeopardy, The Price is Right, and Wheel of Fortune. They're designed to be fun for all ages, ensuring that every family member, from the youngest to the oldest, can join in the excitement.

Here's the best part: scheduling is a breeze! We plan these game nights at least 30 days in advance, and they run for a lively 60-90 minutes. You can include as many family members as you like, making it the perfect occasion for those big family gatherings.

Think of it as flexing your social fitness muscles while creating unforgettable memories. These virtual game nights are not just about playing games; they're about strengthening family bonds, sharing laughs, and building a treasure trove of joyful moments together.

And for our active TFM households, we've set a special price of just $999 per game night. It's an investment in fun, connection, and priceless family moments.

Ready to jump into a world of fun and bonding? Email us at hello@totalfamily.io to learn more and schedule your Family Game Night. Let's make those family moments not just meaningful but also incredibly fun!

At Total Family Management (TFM), we are driven by a core belief: the strength of a family lies in its unity and its ability to navigate life’s complexities together. As we step into 2024, we're excited to announce our new partner pricing updates, reflecting our unwavering commitment to providing comprehensive family coaching services to a broader audience.

Our 2024 pricing strategy is a testament to our dedication to transparency and inclusivity. Hence, our new pricing model is designed to cater to these diverse requirements, ensuring that more families and firms can access our valuable resources for enhancing family dynamics.

TFM Essentials: Building a Common Language

At the heart of our services lies the TFM Essentials program. This initiative is focused on cultivating a common language within families. Through our tailored workshops and coaching sessions, we empower families to enhance their social fitness and deepen their connections. Our approach is not just about resolving conflicts or improving communication; it's about fostering an environment where every family member feels heard, understood, and valued.

Commitment to Transparency

Transparency is a key pillar of our philosophy at TFM. We believe that trust is built on clear and honest communication, especially when it comes to financial matters. Our new pricing structure is straightforward, with no hidden fees or complex tiers. We want our partners to feel confident and comfortable in their investment in family well-being.

Looking Ahead: A Future Focused on Family Dynamics

As we embrace these changes, our vision for the future remains clear. We are not just providing a service; we are nurturing relationships, strengthening family bonds, and building legacies. Our adjusted pricing is a step towards a future where comprehensive family coaching is a norm, not an exception, and where every family has the tools to thrive together.

In conclusion, our 2024 pricing updates are more than just numbers. They reflect our ethos of inclusivity, our dedication to family well-being, and our belief in the transformative power of strong family dynamics. We invite you to join us on this journey towards a stronger, more connected tomorrow.

Ah, Thanksgiving – a time of gratitude, gourmet gobbling, and... the inevitable launch into politics that sends a shudder around the table. But fear not! This year, every mention of a bill or ballot is just another step towards BINGO victory! 🏆

At TFM, we believe in the power of play to turn any gathering from stressed to best. And what's better than a game everyone can win? (Except maybe those football bets – sorry about that. 🏈)

🕒 "Why are we eating so early?" Boom.
👖 Tight pants post-turkey? Yep, that's a square too!
📺 Quick! To the news channel for no reason! For the Win!

And when you're lounging there, stuffed like the centerpiece turkey, remember – these are the moments that make life rich (and hilariously unpredictable).

So this Thanksgiving, let's raise our glasses (with or without ice) to the chaos, the comedy, and the company that we wouldn't trade for the world.

Happy Thanksgiving from our TFM family to yours! May your day be filled with joy, your hearts with love, and your Bingo cards with checkmarks.

Picture a grandparent trying to decode the emoji-filled IG messages from your grandkids, a young parent attempting to decipher if being a sigma is good or bad, or a CEO juggling the workplace vibes of Baby Boomers and Gen Z. It's a generational adventure, and 'Generations' by Dr. Jean Twenge is just the kind of guide we need. Learning about these generational differences is more than an intellectual exercise; it's a powerful tool for forging deeper connections with our families, colleagues, and the wider community.

As you search for the electric carving knife minutes before Thanksgiving dinner or patiently navigate the busiest airport days of the year, we invite you to share and ponder some our thought-provoking questions about —The Silents, Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, Gen Z, and even the still-to-be-named Alphas. Each generation has its own unique characteristics and experiences, and we'll delve into them one by one, inviting you to better understand the generations that makes up your family. Happy Thanksgiving!

The Silents, born 1925–1945

What do Warren Buffet and Marilyn Monroe have in common? They're both part of the Silents, who had the unfortunate luck of coming after 'The Greatest Generation.' Tough act to follow, but Robert, John, Mary, and Dorothy (the most popular Silent names) certainly left their imprint on the world. This generation made huge strides for this country in equality and education and boasts alumni such as MLK Jr., Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Muhammad Ali.

You know what else this generation did well? They were really good at making babies. There's a lot of charts that stood out in this amazing book, but good for the Silents.

Questions for Silents:

• (Chart) Did you have a big family growing up? Did your friends have big families? What's the best part of coming from a big family?
• How has the idea of college changed from when you were growing up vs. what you see today?
• What political leaders and activists made an impact on how you thought about certain issues?

Baby Boomers, born 1946–1964

The generation that includes Oprah, Bill Murray, Michael Jordan, and Cyndi Lauper can't be that bad. It turns out, it wasn't just the girls who wanted to have fun, it was everyone. The Baby Boomers made significant strides in increasing the representation of Black voters and politicians in the United States, as well as contributing to the rise of women in the workforce. They also changed the way we think about drugs. The Boomers changed the way people thought about a lot of substances, and eventually became the politicians who would legalize and decriminalize things like marijuana.

Questions for Boomers:

• (Chart) What has been the most surprising change in how this country views substances like marijuana? Depending on their answer, would you like a gummy before dinner?
• How did the events of 9/11 change how you thought about the world?
• There's an case for the Boomers doing more to advance the rights and opportunities for women than any other generation. How has the role of women in the world changed in your lifetime?

Gen X, born 1965–1979

The MTV Generation, often referred to as the "Latchkey kids," includes heavy hitters like Julia Roberts, Jay-Z, Elon Musk, and both Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding.

X was the last generation to grow up with significant unsupervised time. Twenge points out that not only did latchkey kids exist because more mothers were working, but organized after-school programs didn't become widespread until the '90s. This generation of Michael, Jason, Lisa, and Jennifer (most popular names) was shaped by the freedom they had during their formative years and the supervision pendulum has swung hard and fast in the opposite direction. What did they do while unsupervised? This chart tells part of the story.

Questions to kick around with a Gen X friend or family member:

• Were you left alone after school and on the weekends as a kid? What valuable lessons or skills do you think this unsupervised time taught you?
• (Chart) Gen X is noted for starting certain activities at a younger age compared to other generations. Why do you think this trend emerged within your generation's timeframe?
• What's your all-time favorite John Hughes movie? (They'll know what you're talking about) How do you think the themes in these movies resonate with your generation's experiences?

Millennials, born 1980–1994

Millennials can be defined by their belief in themselves, and that self-confidence has given the world Taylor Swift, Mark Zuckerberg, Serena Williams, Steph Curry, and LeBron James.

Jessica, Ashley, Michael, and Christopher (the most popular names) also have one thing in common—lots of student debt. As Twenge aptly puts it, "The easiest way to piss off a Millennial is to say, 'In my day, we worked our way through college.'" The rising cost of education made that impossible.

The Millennials are a generation defined by a multitude of factors, such as waiting longer to get married and having fewer children. However, my cohort is also sub-divided by a simple question: how old were you when you got your first iPhone? Millennials are seemingly the last generation to understand the pre and post-internet world, making them a bridge between older and younger generations. They're also the first generation to grapple with the mental health effects of social media and constant notifications, foreshadowing the challenge ahead of us.

Questions for Millennials:

• (Chart) Did anything major or terrifying jump out at you about this chart?
• A fun one for you: Which show do you think was better—90210, Saved by the Bell, or Dawson's Creek?
• How did the 2008 recession impact your life and career, for better or worse?

Gen Z, born 1995–2012

TFM partners and clients skew a bit older, which means the final two generations will likely be talking about your kids and grandkids. It's easy to look at a group of people who are different and write them off, but taking the time to understand is something that would benefit all of us.

Gen Z, as a whole, is doing way less of the things that 'Dazed & Confused' associated with being a young person—smoking, drinking, having sex, and going out with their friends. In many ways, this generation of Jacobs, Ethans, Emmas, and Isabella (the most popular names) is not as active with 1 in 3 young adults being clinically obese based on 2016 data. On the other hand, Z's are extremely active in other areas like voting, with young adult voter turnout reaching 48% in the 2018 Mid Terms and 2020 elections, the highest since 1976.

Twenge seems confident that, in the same way other generations fought for transformative change in civil rights, same-sex marriage, and abortion, this generation will fight for gender fluidity and their mental health. But the question remains: Does social media and smartphone use affect mental health? If the mental health data on millennials gave us a clue, the Gen Z mental health data is the smoking gun. This is not a U.S. problem caused by the left or the right; it's the medium, not the message.

Questions for Gen Z:

• What causes and issues do you think your generation cares the most about, and why?
• What are the best and worst parts of the online world?
• (Chart) If we assume that there's a correlation between smartphone use and depression, which there is, what ideas do we have to combat this at a personal and societal level?

Polars & Alphas, born after 2012

The name 'Polars' is derived from a blend of 'melting of the polar ice caps,' referencing global warming, and the increased political polarization of society—sometimes referred to as Alphas. This generation is still in the process of being born, and their birth years will likely extend through 2028-2030. It's hard to fathom, but this generation, including Olivias, Sophias, Noahs, and Liams (the most popular names), will not experience a world without Uber, adults referencing the pandemic, or on-demand Paw Patrol."

The good news is that many societal changes and laws have led to a safer world for children, with fewer car accidents, homicides, drownings, and poisonings. The bad news is that many of the trends Twenge points out for Gen Z are continuing among the Polars, including being less physically active, more overweight, and experiencing increased rates of anxiety.

No questions for Alphas - but maybe a game of freeze or flashlight tag is in order... (you might have to explain the rules)

Conclusion

For thousands of years, elders have been walking around convinced the next generation is going to screw it all up, and the kids are convinced the old people are out of touch. It's easy to complain about the people whom we don't understand, but more empathy and less judgment will go a long way for all of us. If you're still reading at this point in the article, it means you care enough to understand and listen—something we could all do a bit more, myself included. Follow TFM on LinkedIn for more ways to find your family's flow.